Sword-Wielder Fends Off Gorilla, Rescues Child
April 1 2007
Southern Maryland News Staff

CALVERT COUNTY - A Solomons, MD., mother of three and local martial arts teacher rescued a four year old child from a rampaging bull gorilla Saturday, after the 500-pound animal escaped from the county zoo.

Neighbors credited local resident Ann Reagan with fending off the escaped animal with a samurai sword and several loud yells, after it threatened a preschooler. Ms. Reagan, who trains in Korean swordsmanship at the Black Belt Academy in California, MD, advanced on the animal after she saw the child run towards the gorilla in an attempt to rescue a kitten.

“I don’t know what came over me,” Reagan said after the incident. “I saw the child in trouble and knew I had to do something. I just grabbed the closest weapon I had at the time.”

“I never intended to harm the animal; just scare it away from the child,” Reagan added, apparently referring to the pickets that have clogged traffic in the Solomons residential area since representatives of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) organized protests over the incident. “Her actions were dangerous and inconsiderate of the intellect and beauty of these endangered creatures. She should be arrested for failing to respect the rights of our fellow simians,” said Michael Oldbay, Advisory Panel Member of the southern Maryland chapter of PETA, as well as a member of the VFW and a Third Degree Mason.

According to witnesses, the gorilla was able to block the initial sword attack, at which point Reagan had to wrestle the animal into a submission hold until authorities could arrive.

http://www.aprilfoolsday.com/bogusnewsstory.html

Well done, but perhaps a bit foolish when you think about it...

Right, because we all know that pole-arms are more effective than swords versus the larger apes. Had Mrs. Reagan been aware of that salient fact, wrestling - with all its attendant dangers - would never have been necessary. I'm glad her grappling skills proved sufficient to handle the creature. I'd hate for her to have been harmed over a lapse in combat tactics.

lol, great article Ann

I'm sorry to say that I wasn't paying attention to who posted this and got suckered in right up to the end and the 'submission technique'. How sad is our world that I didn't recognize this for fakery sooner? The PETA piece especially had me convinced it was real.

Nicely done.

Dave.